


Three-and-a-half out of five stars

by dittyditto (Triple_A)



Series: Fast Little Nonsenses [2]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Customer Service & Tech Support, Interns & Internships, OC is an Intern for CyberLife, Other, and Hank is filing a review for his experience with Connor, because idk mandatory or smth, i got this from a prompt yes, sorta - Freeform, this was very fun to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-05-18 08:47:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19331155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Triple_A/pseuds/dittyditto
Summary: Dear Lieutenant Anderson,You recently obtained a CyberLife android by the name of Connor, model RK800. We thank you for using our service and product, and we would like you to leave a review on your experience. On a scale of 1-5, how would you rate this product?We at CyberLife thank you.: :In the aftermath of the Revolution, a desperately flagging CyberLife continues sending out product review emails to all its customers, in the hopes of garnering some faith. One extremely tired intern has a Mr. Hank Anderson on their list.





	Three-and-a-half out of five stars

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this a while ago and then forgot about it but then remembered it
> 
> yes i reused an oc name i was just feeling the 'tired retail worker' mood yakkno
> 
> im not sure what this was we were talking about weird amazon reviews and then
> 
> yeah

Last week of the internship before CyberLife went down the shitter. Last week of sitting at a computer scrolling through angry reviews of people complaining about their androids, having "feelings" or "retaliating to abuse" or whatever. I wondered if I would even get my last paycheck. Probably not, honestly.

After reading through the last review I'd gotten sent, by one Leo Manfred ( _It fucking punched me in front of my dad and gave me a concussion, and now its leading a fucking revolution, Want my money back_ Sincere apologies, but the android was a personal gift from the former CEO, Mr, Manfred. We don't do refunds without the receipt), I was about ready to just dip. Just go home to my computer and binge whatever new show they were talking about on Netflix, if that hadn't yet gotten wiped out by the sudden influx of Revolution. Twitter was already gone. Half the people got doxxed accounts after the androidmanagement team went deviant, though frankly, I can't say I was too sad about it.

But I am nothing if not a bitch to myself, so instead of storming out all-impressive like with the bird flipped off to my boss, I just sighed and looked at the next person on my list. A Mr. Hank Anderson. Lieutenant at the DPD. Partner and handler of the RK800 prototype, named Connor.

Well, at least we were getting some variety.

 

_Dear Lieutenant Anderson,_

_You recently obtained a CyberLife android by the name of Connor, model RK800. We thank you for using our service and product,_ (Christ in heaven. CyberLife has a hell of a grave to dig if they kept on making us use these shitty email templates after a social rights protest.) _and we would like you to leave a review on your experience. On a scale of 1-5, how would you rate this product?_

_We at CyberLife thank you._

_-Akira Robinson._

 

Click. Send. My wrist hurt from typing.

I stretched in my chair and sighed, before shutting down my computer and grabbing my bag. I needed to go as my boss for a reference letter for college, at least, before _she_ got laid off too, and maybe needle her about a paycheck while I was at it. Hopefully she wasn't too down about the Revolution, because frankly, it was a long time coming.

The email had already left my mind.

* * *

I'll be honest, I went home and I searched up Hank Anderson. Who was the guy who CyberLife decided to send one of their top android models to? I was thinking he'd be some kind of grizzled noir detective in a trench coat and hat...though maybe I was enmired in the stereotypical detective look. I definitely wasn't expecting some 50-year-old dude with a beer belly and flashy shirt.

Red Ice case-breaker. One of the top people on the force. Huh.

There was even a recent picture on the DPD Twitter before it got nuked, as I found on Reddit. Him, standing next to the android he must've been sent. The RK800. Twink-man deluxe.

My god. It was like seeing a puppy stand next to a wolf. Was that supposed to be the top combat model?

I scroll through a little longer, when my email pings. From a fuckingemail42o@dpd.org. Must be the Lieutenant.

I'll look through it in the morning. I wasn't really interested in reading through another paragraph-long complaint so late at night.

* * *

...except, as it turns out, it wasn't just a paragraph. It was a whole-ass essay.

Jesus fuckin' Christ.

 

_To: Whatever underpaid CyberLife intern._ (Hey, pretty spot-on.)

_Let me just start with: I don't like androids. Up until recently, I'd never even had one. Hated them with a burning passion because of a past incursion that I wrongfully blamed on them, but I'm not gonna specify that because I don't really care about going into detail. Especially not to some rando stranger. Sorry kid._

_So when RK800-named-Connor got dunked on my ass, I gotta say I was pretty. Not. Stoked. You spend a couple years hating on androids and then suddenly your boss tells you you're saddled with one? Indefinitely?? I was pretty fucking pissed, at both the android and CyberLife. Come on, give a man a fuckin' break. I was old. I'm still old. And now I had the equivalent of a robot-puppy following my steps . He even sticks stuff he's not supposed to stick in his mouth like a dog. Did you know that? I saw him fuckin' lick blood at a crime scene. Grossest shit I'd seen all night._

(Well. At least the sentiments were shared about the puppy resemblance.)

_But then things started to change. The RK800 is....idk, advertised? Promoted? For human interaction and adaptation and whatever. And I guess he was pretty good at his job. He broke into my house and dumped my drunk ass into a cold bath just so we could investigate a murder, and later that night I almost shot him. But I didn't because he managed to change my goddamn mind, ain't that crazy? I did send an email earlier about the window though. Fuckin' million dollar combat project that doesn't know how to sneak into a house right._

(I did vaguely remember that email. It was poorly written. A lot of typos. Vague references to 2010s memes that I did a lot of googling to figure out.)

_Back to the point...I stopped getting angry at androids. I'm pretty sure Connor had something to do with that, even though I knew he was just faking human emotion to get me to be cool with him, I let my guard down. And eventually he stopped faking it too. Got orders to his face to return to Cyberlife, away from the case, and then he turns around and asks me to punch an FBI agent so he can keep working on it. Ain't that crazy? But yeah, by the time I'd figured out I actually didn't hate this android, he'd deviated._

_And now he's at my house. We're roommates now, and buddies. He still doesn't get a lot of human stuff, like why burgers taste good despite the "high cholesterol" and stuff, but he's learning from me. Even started listening to my favorite metal band. Knights of the Black Death, check 'em out._

_And...I started learning from him. I sucked when he first came around, like I was just an asshole and a bitter old man. And I'm still an asshole, and I'm still trying to move on past shit, but he's there, yakkno? He can't make me forget the past but he can help me unlearn the hate I got from the past, if that makes sense. I didn't think I'd ever see that happen, an android teaching me to unhate androids. But then again, I didn't think I'd meet an android who was honest about liking dogs. He coddles my dog every single fucking night and baby-talks to him. I swear I'm not crazy._

_< attached: sumoncon102.png>_

(Oh hey look at that. That was actually pretty cute. Big ass dog tho.)

_So....yeah. I guess for a final rating? 3.5/5. Still sticks shit in his mouth when he's not supposed to but regardless, he's learning and i can forgive him for that. And I guess I owe you guys a thanks for sending him over, but also a big 'fuck you' for trying to take him away again for being deviant. I get it, but also come on. You fucked up a perfectly good boy in the process, and he's got anxiety now. But don't we all._

_Would probably take on as partner again, though. I surprisingly don't regret ever being partnered with him._

_THat's it. that's the whole review. send fucking tweet. this better stay anonymous I swear to fuck._

_-Lieutenant Hank Anderson._

 

...Huh.

My eyes were teary behind my glasses. That was new. The only times I cried was out of frustration, when some customer was yelling over the phone about their android problems.

But that was...surprisingly sweet? Some old, don't-give-a-shit cop learning how to un-hate from a goofy android. Like the starts to some cheesy, cheesy action movie. A good change of pace. Refreshing.

I looked at the clock. My shift had just started, I still had emails to send and reply to, and my boss had given a solid "maybe" on that reference letter. If I finished early enough, I could go ask her again and also go home.

I still had to type a reply, though. So I put on my headphones and scrolled through a playlist for a little bit, looking for background music, before changing my mind on my usual playlist and finding a Knights of the Black Death album.

(In the end, I couldn't figure out what to write. None of the templates worked, so I settled on:

 

_To: Lieutenant Hank Anderson._

_Holy fuckin'_ shit _dude._

_-Akira Robinson._ )

**Author's Note:**

> my first piece that doesn't have gavin or mention him at all, wow


End file.
